


Finding home

by PinkLotus (EspurrsVena)



Series: Birthday Series [10]
Category: JO1 (Japan Band), Produce 101 (Japan TV)
Genre: Birthday, Fluff, Friendship, Self-Acceptance, a lot of other trainees mentioned, canon AU, no beta we die like real men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27995355
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EspurrsVena/pseuds/PinkLotus
Summary: Shion always felt like an alien. He didn't fit anywhere, only his face fit somehow. Eventually, he meets some special people and finds his way in life.
Series: Birthday Series [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1698286
Kudos: 9





	Finding home

“Alien” That’s how Shion felt most of the time. I had started as a joke or rather as an insult from kids bulling him. But it was true. He wasn’t like the other kids. He didn’t even know why. His mind just thought of things differently than the rest of the kids. 

It became a little better once Shion entered middle school. He was still the “weird” kid, but he was told that he had become handsome, thus people started to like him. It didn’t feel right to him. Shouldn’t people like him for who he was and not for his face? But on the other hand, he enjoyed not to be bullied anymore. If it was thanks to his now handsome face, then maybe it wasn’t that bad. 

Yet he also wondered why looks became so important. Back in elementary school, the others only cared for your look, if you had a new kamen raider, ultraman or any other superhero shirt, but now the importance of looks was much higher. Was it because they had to wear uniforms all day and could only show their true colours in their spare free time? 

During his time in middle school the topic of everyone’s future path also became important. Everyone wanted to follow the usual path: doctor, soccer player or a simple office worker. But Shion couldn’t see himself in any of those paths. He could see his classmates in those routes clearly, but his own way was hidden behind fog. 

Then, one day his mother took him along to a concert. Seeing those man dancing, singing and shining on stage suddenly lifted the fog. He found a path he wanted to walk on. But he had no idea how to enter that path. His school only offered the boring type of music – an orchestra and a choir. Both were far from what Shion had seen that night. But his parents refused to let him join a dance school. His day school was more important. 

Thus, Shion continued to wander without an aim, without a place in this world. Maybe he was an alien from another planet and that’s why he couldn’t find his place on this planet. He didn’t know and he didn’t understand this world. 

Highschool didn’t bring much change at first. Aimlessly Shion continued the path in front of him. He barely looked left and right, because there was nothing that called him. Maybe he should become an office worker in the future, too. That was what everyone was aiming for, wasn’t it? His parents also saw that path for him.

According to everyone around him he had also grown more handsome and his brain clouded by puberty started to enjoy hearing those praises. Maybe that was his characteristic. Maybe that was what made him himself. Instead of that hollow feeling inside of him. 

Still, it took until the 2nd year of highschool until he truly understood the importance and power of looks. The two incidents seemed unconnected, but they helped him to finally understand. 

The first one happened in his school. It was the first school day after a long weekend thanks to holidays. Shion didn’t expect anything to happen that day, but suddenly someone entered his class he hadn’t seen before. Only after the person started to talk, he realised that he knew them. One of his classmates had decided to cut their hair, refused to wear the girl’s uniform and wanted to be called with a new name. All those changes on the outside reflected their true personality inside now. Only their voice suggested who they used to be before. 

The whole class was shocked, some even made fun of their decision but Shion was curious. They never seemed to care that much about their looks as others, but now such a big change happened. Yet when Shion asked them during their break, they only answered: “Because the outside is connected to the inside.”   
At this point, he didn’t understand it at all. 

Later that week his mother took him shopping to the city. As always, she complained about the shirts he chose. They were weird, unusual, but they fit perfectly. That’s what he liked. And finally, he understood. He was unique, different from his classmates on the inside, thus he liked to be unique on the outside, too. Yet everyone made it seem like it was something bad. Still, he was happy when he wore those weird, ugly shirts. Maybe he was truly from a different star. 

After leaving the store, he and his mother were suddenly approached by someone. He was a talent scout from Korea who liked Shion’s looks, his uniqueness and wanted to invite him to become a trainee for a Korean agency. His mother was sceptical, but Shion remembered his dream from middle school, thus he begged his parents to let him go. 

Leaving school and going to Korea felt like he had found his true path finally, yet it wasn’t easy. Before he could rely on his looks and when he had finally understood what a weapon they could be, that weapon didn’t matter anymore. Because all trainees in that agency were handsome. 

But even among those trainees who were walking the same dreamlike path like him, he felt like an alien. There was no one who understood him – in more than one way. He didn’t speak Korean well yet and there was no one who had the same vibes at him. Each day was a struggle and eventually he failed to make the cut. 

His feelings were mixed regarding this. On the one hand, he felt horrible that he failed to walk the only path he saw for himself, yet on the other hand, he was glad about that. The whole time he had felt like an alien and his only weapon had been useless.

Back at home, he didn’t feel much better. His parents weren’t happy about his failure and pressured him to find a new path. But Shion didn’t know where to look. His only weapon might be his face, thus maybe he should consider becoming a model? Or something else? 

That’s when he came across another audition. His parents weren’t happy about it but they let him join – as his last chance. At first, he felt out of place again. He didn’t know anyone there and just like back at his former Korean agency he felt like his only weapons – his face and his slight experience, which had become another weapon now, didn’t matter much anymore. But the boy he was paired with seemed nice enough and together they worked hard for the first evaluation – only for Shion to be left behind in the last moment. 

The other boy said it was something personal, unrelated to Shion, but inside of Shion it felt different. He felt different. Still, he proceeded with the audition which took him back to Korea. It felt weird to be back. Some of the trainees envied him for his experience in that country and with its training system, but it wasn’t as cool as they imagined. There were some who understood but most of them were blinded by this world. 

His roommates were alright. He got the three Korean ex idols as roommates who were quite nice but they were older than him and so close to each other already. Once more he felt like an alien.   
Being frustrated by his grade made him wander aimlessly through the dorm and suddenly, he heard some voice from a room. They were talking about ghosts. 

To his surprise he recognised some of the voices immediately. There was the small dancing boy who had gotten an A for some reason and his friend. Also, that duo with the sky names.   
“Ah you!”, called that A class kid him. “Do you believe in ghosts?”   
“No, but in aliens.”   
“Fair enough. We need your help.” 

Eventually, he spent the whole evening in that room. The A class kid was actually named Syoya and half a year older than him, and he had the right level of weirdness to get along with Shion, but that he placed higher than him still bothered Shion. His friend, Ryotaro, was alright and seemed to be kind. Then there were Sukai and Sora who were surprisingly not brothers besides looking like that. Sukai was also his age, a few weeks younger than Syoya and soon Sora called them S3, because the three of them not only shared the birthyear and the first letter of their names, but also their blood type.   
“It’s destiny that you met.”, added Ryotaro. 

The training days until the re-evaluation were gruesome. Shion had no idea what made the trainers put him into C class. They were in so many different levels. There was that kid Shosei who were a good dancer – maybe even better than Shion himself he had to admit bitterly – but his voice was horrible. Some others were good singers, but couldn’t dance at all. But Shion knew that he had surpass every single one of them. He had to enter the A class or even that one chance he had would be wasted. 

After their actual lessons ended every one of them started to practise on their own. It reminded Shion of his former trainee days during which each one of them tried to beat the others by even more training. He was about to look for a spot to train when Shosei called him. “Do you want to join? Ren is teaching right now.” 

Ren was their star trainee and Shion couldn’t stand him. But he had already noticed during the day that Shosei was fond of him – they were in the same team? - and followed him like a puppy in every free minute. Everyone seemed to like him, but Shion didn’t know why. He was just a grey-haired dancer. But Shosei talked so highly of him so he followed - it was worth a shoot. 

Eventually, Shion reached his goal and managed to advance to the A class. He was the only one from his own class who managed to do that – Shosei cried like a baby when he only got B class – but together with him two B class trainees entered. They were Yugo who looked like he just finished elementary school and Takumi, a short guy with pink hair. That the whole class grew bothered Shion a lot. He was welcomed by the other trainees, but their number meant more completion. He had reached his first goal but the final one was still far. 

When they had to take their introduction videos and Shion saw the alien costume, he knew that it was meant for him. He still felt like an alien in this diverse group of people. The staff didn’t believe that anyone would truly choose it, but it felt perfect for Shion. That was him. 

He grew to dislike everyone even more when the grey-haired dancer, Ren, became the center for their title song. Everyone thought of him as the perfect candidate, Shion wasn’t even considered. It was frustrating. But he wouldn’t cry he was no baby anymore. The tears of other trainees annoyed him. 

Yet Shion’s heart wasn’t made of ice. One night after training he saw another trainee crying. It was a F class trainee named Reito, much younger than him. Back at home Shion was the oldest child but in his class, he was one of the youngest. For some reason the boy triggered a soft spot inside of him and he started to console him. 

The next stage was even worse than the previous one. He got the song he wanted yes, but they had to make two teams and Issei didn’t choose him for his avenger team. Instead of a fellow A class trainee - they would win for sure like that – he chose two other random trainees and worse, Shion had to deal with the weirdo Keigo. More reasons to dislike the A class. 

His own team was miserable. Sure, they had two A class members, but the other one had four including two former pros. Their motivation was low and only after a scolding from their trainers they started to work on everything. Keigo was still annoying but at least you could finally work with him. Maybe not all A class members were bad. Syoya wasn’t that bad also. 

As expected, his team lost, Shion also didn’t place first – damned Keigo did that – but all together it could have been worse. During the performance he saw people cheering for him which he had only secretly hoped for. He knew his image wasn’t the best. He had heard the scolding of the teachers, but it wasn’t his fault that he was too different from the others. 

But then again, his face became a hot topic. The trainees had to vote for the best looking ones and once again, he was told that he was handsome. He placed high and once again he felt like his face was his strongest weapon. Once again, his face let others overlook his strange inside. 

Only the ranking ceremony finally helped him to let his heart melt even more. To his surprise he placed in the Top 11, in the debut placements. It might have been only the first ranking – two more until the final would come, but taking place on the sofa seats felt good. Like he belonged on those. Like they were the road to his destiny.

Having the security of ranking let him finally let down some of his guard. He realised that Ren was a good dancer and maybe he even deserved that attention. Shosei was annoying with his constant praises for Ren but he was a nice guy. Keigo was actually funny. Syoya was even funnier. Issei was cute in a way, but he couldn’t baby him like his former roommates did and maybe he was a bit jealous that they had chosen Issei over him. It was a shame that Sukai had dropped to F class. Reito became like a little brother to him. And Takumi was surely lying when he said he had no formal training.   
The other trainees were nice, too. Thus, when the next stage waited for him, he started to hope to be in a team with certain people. 

However once again, he wasn’t chosen for the avenger team. Ren had to honour to choose and no matter how much he locked eyes with the dancer, he kept choosing someone else. Issei was the one who choose him eventually and their team wasn’t bad either. They could win this time. 

“Hey, Shion. Sorry because of last time. I thought you didn’t like me.” It was shortly before their first training when Issei came to him to apologise.   
“I didn’t like you because of that. But it’s okay. Let’s win that thing.” Shion believed in their team. Everyone was unique with him being the alien. 

While training with the team, Shion felt another change inside of himself. He became more accepting of his surroundings.   
There was that guy named Junki in his team who was loud all the time. But instead of starting to dislike him, Shion just shrugged his shoulders and let him. That was his unique trait. 

But his team didn’t win again. They only placed second and he also only placed second inside of his group, but as much as he wanted to dislike the situation. Seeing Issei - no Mame he had started to call him like that, too – made him forget his anger. Setbacks were expected. Next time he would win that. 

His friends, Reito and Syoya – yes, he had finally accepted that besides being rivals, you could also find friends – also reassured him. He always ranked high all together. He could make it. He dared to hope. 

Yet the next stage was the hardest one. His group consisted of all the high-ranking trainees, thus the pressure was insane. Naturally, even the next ranking didn’t make their group much smaller and they had to vote for someone to leave or rather who was necessary for the group and who was not. It was a cruel choice, but eventually he was able to stay. But Syoya, Keigo and Shosei had to leave. Especially Syoya’s transfer hit him. He was his only friend in the group and helped to ease the feeling of pressure.   
But they needed to continue. They needed to win. All eyes were on them now. 

However, one evening he came across Shosei. The blonde one ended up in the yancha team after being not chosen for the one Keigo and Syoya entered and it was clear that he wasn’t happy about it.   
“Shion! Why did you make me leave?”   
“Don’t take it personally. Someone had to leave.” 

“I thought we were friends!”   
Shosei saw him as a friend was news to him. They knew each other for a while, but were they friends? He wasn’t sure. Those accusations the other one was screaming at him surely weren’t friendly. “Your best friend Ren didn’t vote for you either.” 

To say he was glad when the concept battles were over was an understatement. It had been the worst. He didn’t even care about their placement anymore. They had failed, didn’t win, but it was over. It was finally over.   
But it wasn’t the end of the hard times. While he wasn’t that close with the Korean trainees their withdrawal saddened him, too. He knew them from the start and to see more and more familiar faces disappearing hurt. Reito just had to leave, too. Shion felt lonely. For once, not the feeling of being an outside was what bothered him the most.

Again, he found himself close to Syoya and Sukai who also had survived besides his constant bad luck. Having same aged friends in the same situation was a blessing. Eventually, even Shosei joined them. S3 became S4. They talked and apologised to each other. Inside Shion still felt like an alien sometimes but for the first time, he was understood besides that. 

Together with people leaving, new people entered his life. New teams were made for the final. Sukai was the only one of S4 to be placed in another team, but Shion had the luck to share a room with Syoya. Besides being the final stage, the pressure wasn’t that much as previously. Maybe it helped that a mood maker like Shunya was their leader. Or that calm presences like the two other six packs members, Sho and Tomo were also there. There was also Kosuke and Ruki who both had leader experiences. Maybe those collection of personalities made Shion feel reassured. 

Also, to his surprise he discovered he had something in common with Ruki. They had spent a short time in C class together, but they had never talked to each other back then. But fans had called them “black prince” and “white prince” and after being introduced by Shosei to each other they somehow got along well. They both had expierenced failure, having their path taken away, too.

Still, to his surprise, when the clock struck midnight on the day of the final which also happened to be his birthday, there was a knock on the door of Shion’s and Syoya’s room. Anxiety didn’t let them sleep yet, besides needing rest for the big day.   
“Happy Birthday!”, greeted Ruki him while Kosuke hold a cake. “Hopefully, you will get the debut for your birthday today.”   
“Thank you. I hope so, too.” 

His wish had come true. He was chosen to debut in the end. But again, he felt like an alien. He finally got what he wanted, but there was something missing. Something wasn’t right. S4 were all together, people he knew from A class and others but something wasn’t right. 

Soon after the final, they were sent Korea again. Arriving in the cold made him remember the day he left the country when it was equally cold. There was still something inside of him that was irritated by the situation. Something he couldn’t put somewhere. But they were together forever now, so he had to get along with everyone, doesn’t he? 

Sho was chosen as their leader and one night after practise he pulled him aside. “Shion, there is something bothering you. Tell me what it is.”   
Was it that obvious?, he wondered. But then again, everyone always commented that anxiety was visible on his face and made it look angry. “I don’t know.”   
“You can tell me or any other member anything at any time. We are a family now.”   
“But do you guys even like me? I fought with like half of you.”   
“That’s the past. It was a stressful time. And we are here to get to know each other, aren’t we?” 

But would they even like the true Shion? Everyone always liked him for his handsome face and maybe now for his voice and dancing, but for himself? Was there anyone who liked him for being him? “True. But even if you don’t like me you are stuck with me now.”   
“I see no reason why we should dislike you. You are unique like each one of us is. You are our local alien, Sukai is our local pokerface, Ruki is our prince and so on. That’s what makes us ourselves.” 

In this moment Shion finally understood. Maybe he was an alien who was different from anyone else, but he was only different because each person was different. Maybe his parents never liked it, but his uniqueness was what made him “Shion”. He was an alien with handsome face and weird clothes – he was Shion. 

The year that followed passed in a blink of an eye. So much happened, but the most important thing was that Shion had found a place where he belonged. Him and the rest of S4 grew closer, Sho became his favourite older brother and Issei his (only) younger brother. Ren was strict during practise but spoiled him outside of practise. Junki and Keigo were loud but fun. Ruki was his fellow prince and Takumi his fellow visual line member. 

Then December came and that fateful date returned. When the clock struck midnight and his teens ended. Right in this moment, a message from his parents came which of course included the warning that he should go to bed soon. More messages from friends reached him and then there was a knock on his door. 

Just like the year before, it was Ruki who greeted him first for his birthday. “Happy Birthday, Shion!”   
This time Sho was carrying the cake. “Happy Birthday. Be careful when blowing out the candles.”   
“Happy birthday, Shion. You liked the cheesecake so much last time, so I made sure you get another one. And potato salad is waiting for you later.”, Ren added.   
“Happy Birthday.” Of course, Junki greeted him while singing.   
“Happy Birthday, Shion. Take this.” Shion had barely blown of the candles when Keigo pushed a gift into his arms.   
Takumi followed by putting a hat on his head while saying “Happy Birthday” with a smile. 

Next up was a group hug by the rest of S4 who all sang “Happy Birthday finally you are an adult, too!” while missing every note possible.   
Lastly, it was Issei who got the honour of smashing Shion’s face into the cake while saying “Happy Birthday.” 

Shion was happy. He had found his path in the world besides being an alien. It was alright to be like that.   
But that didn’t mean Shion had figured out himself fully. He was still young. That was okay. His parents might still nag at him, but at the same time his members reassured him. He would find the right balance eventually. He had time.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Birthday Shion!  
> Because his birthday is the same day as the formation of the group, I decided to add a recap of his pdjp journey into his story.  
> As your local multi, I adore so many people from there and I would have loved for everyone to debut into the same group, but of course it's not possible. But we got the wonderful group named JO1 and so many other cool groups.  
> Only Junki's Birthday AU is left. I started this series for Ren's birthday cause I also wanted to do "something" for his birthday, thus it's Junki who will be the last one.  
> I hope you enjoyed this story!  
> See you~


End file.
